Age Limit

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I’ve been avoiding posting about this event for a little while, because it made me rather sad in the midst of a very happy slew of posts.  So, I pushed it way to the back of my mind and tried to forget it.  Except, you know, in little moments of clarity where I’d get upset about it again. Like a true actress.

Sigh.

This news is, if you haven’t guessed, that I did not make it into the production I was auditioning for by video.  At first, I was crushed.  There’s this weird actor punishment system where you try to think of all the things you did wrong, and it sometimes makes it better (albeit soul crushing) if you can point to one moment of your audition and say, “Ah, yes, of course.  That was it.  If only I hadn’t raised my hand two inches to the left on that pause, I would have had the part.  Why, God, why?? Curse my physicality!!” And so forth.  I’ve been able to step away from that these past two years, thank God, and mostly just let it go.  But this particular audition left me flummoxed.  I had sang well, acted well, and basically given them the best audition I possibly could.

I had done everything in my power, so why hadn’t I gotten the part?

I emailed the director, who I know semi-well, to ask for some audition feedback.  Partly because I want to improve, but mostly because (unfortunately) this was driving me crazy and I simply could not let it go.

He replied back full of wonderful comments on my audition and callback.  Really, all of them were so sweet, nice, and heartfelt–which, believe me, you usually do not get in feedback.

And the last line of his email read thus: “We loved your audition, but we decided to go with an older look for the entire cast.”

Cue major orchestrations of despair.

There are two ways to react to this kind of news: On the one hand, awesome. I did my best audition, and it STILL wasn’t good enough! . But on the other hand, THANK GOD! I don’t suck! And they liked me!

Which do you think is more helpful for your sanity and your career? That’s right, y’all. Keep it positive.

I always struggle with the first one, but I am learning to live by the beauty of that second reaction.  Most of the time in your auditions, they are looking for something that is completely out of your control.  If they are looking for a 5’8″ blond with stunning legs and the dance skills of Bob Fosse, then I could go in there and sing there socks off, and still not get cast.  You never know what they’re looking for (this director just happened to be very nice and let me know).

So, onwards I go.  A sadder, but wiser girl. And hopefully, someday in the next score of auditions I’ll be performing, they’ll be looking for a 5’4″ college girl who looks like she’s about 16.

 

PS: I realized after reading through this again I sound a bit sad and unhappy about the whole thing. Please rest assured I’m not! This happens to all of us BFAs at pretty much every audition we go to.  I am all about falling off the horse and getting back in the saddle with a smile on my face, especially after such a wonderful audition experience.  I’m a lucky, lucky girl.  I think success is shown when we can take our little disappointments and just keep swimming 🙂

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3 thoughts on “Age Limit

  1. As he said in the feedback, they just happened to be looking for an older role. You should be proud of yourself, as not only did he get back to you, but took the time to tell you in depth how good you were. I do not know much about acting but felt I had to reply to this, yes it would have been good if they stated what they were looking for exactly, but you did amazing, and more importantly your best, and that’s all that matters, though I completely agree in that sometimes aesthetics mean more to people, when in this day & age of technology/makeup etc, it should be talent. But carry on doing your best and you’ll look back at this as something you’ve overcome and that has made you stronger, sorry about the essay I just felt it had to be said, hope I helped! xo

    • Thanks so much for the comment! I completely agree with you. Acting is one big process of getting used to rejection, and I’m learning to be satisfied and proud of myself for just doing my best. This holds true in every aspect of life, I think–you’ll always be disappointed by something, but your true strength shows when you can take what life throws at you and get back up with a smile on your face. And don’t worry–I’ve got two auditions coming up in the next couple of weeks; can’t let one little show get you down 🙂 Thank you for your thoughtful comment!

  2. I’m just waiting for the moment they invent a shapeshifting machine that will allow me to change my look into exactly what the directors want. Get on it, engineering majors, we’re waiting.

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