I had a bad voice lesson yesterday. We’ve all had those days: you’re sick or just getting over it; you’re exhausted; you have too many other things on the brain; you’re stressed…and so on. Most of the time, I just work through all the crap and come out feeling happier with my sounds, and the work that I did.
Yesterday, songs that sounded good before sounded like crap. Persnickety vowels that I thought I had perfected made a comeback. No matter how hard I worked, the sounds just were not happening the way I wanted them to. And making all of that worse was the lingering, terrifying thought: I have an audition tomorrow.
So, I cried. Obviously. My first time crying in a voice lesson here at school (which is actually terribly surprising, considering I am usually a veritable fountain when I become stressed).
My voice teacher was, I think, a little perplexed. She apologized if she was pushing me too hard, and I said no, that wasn’t it. I was crying because I knew how it was supposed to sound, where it was supposed to be…and I. Could. Not. Do. It
After being in a bad mood for a couple of hours, I came to a realization that I’m going to keep in my brain for the rest of my performing career:
Be easier on yourself. You’re enough.
This sounds so simple on paper, but I think it’s the hardest thing for my mind to understand about performing. I don’t want it to be GOOD. I want it to be the most spectacular thing I’ve ever performed in my life. I want every audition to be perfect, and when I feel like that isn’t happening/isn’t going to happen, I panic. Like, fluttery stomach, shaky hands, no-way-out panic. Not conducive to a good audition in itself, right?
So when I go to the practice rooms today, I’m going to hope that whatever was wrong has magically gone away due to the gallons of water I’ve been drinking and a good night’s sleep. But if it doesn’t? Okay. I am presenting these people with the best “me” that I can give. I will act the hell out of my piece, and I will NOT apologize or agonize if I didn’t make my “o” vowel as “oo” as I wanted it.
Hopefully this gives you a little inspiration to keep going today.