The worst part of auditioning and callback week is not the actual auditioning. Nor is it the callbacks. I actually like all those (if I do well. And if I don’t get cut. And if I can tell they like me. Eek). It’s the waiting. Unfortunately, I think most actors leave callbacks and auditions thinking about what could have gone better. I know that I often do. Unless I have the perfect callback/audition (which are rare!), I’m usually walking out of there going, “Damn, why didn’t I just go a little bit farther? Maybe I didn’t do what she was looking for!! Ah!!! LET ME DO IT AGAIN!!!!”
I had my last callback yesterday, and I should have felt a surge of relief. The craziness of running to callbacks to rehearsals to homework was mostly done! I had done well! And I actually got callbacks, which is no mean feat. Instead, I started getting anxious about what I should have done, with the anxiety of the cast lists being posted probably tomorrow or Wednesday. Then I had a long talk with a friend, and realized that I have to work on letting it go.
Seriously, just saying: “It’s done, it’s over, and I did what I did. Time to move on to all of the other craziness I have to do.”
I’m going to try and work on the zen of letting go, because worrying changes nothing!